Periodic Dosage Archive 2016-04

the goal of humanity?

sometimes, watching a old 1970's movie. You see? they want what we want. And, they show what we show, things we like to see, and beautiful people. The same thing, different times.

sometimes, if you imagine, the thousands years of human humanity. Going back, starting with your grand pa, grand grand pa, grand grand grand pa.

4 generations, and that's only about 100 years. But there's several thousands years of written history.

what does it all mean?

don't know, but most of us, are concerned about having children. That is our biological programming, the only, and ultimate, goal.

so, Prince actually had a sister, Tyka Nelson, who lives in poverty, has 6 kids, and at one time had to prostitute to make a living, and was also addicted to drugs.

the secret diary of xah, stardate 20160414

few days ago, one of my teeth fell out. (it's ) It is the upper right molar. A fake one i had some decade plus ago.

that is a major blow. I haven't seen a dentist for a decade. i thought, i'll hold out till i am on track with coding again. Well, now, i imagine myself to be those national geographic photo of very old man with missing teeth.

my eye classes, is a decade old. I have near-sightedness, vision 550. Since last year, because working in restaurant, now it's full of scratches (bad mistake washing with water), to the point that, everyday, when i wake and put on the glasses, my eye would tear in about 10 min.

this has been going on for about half a year now. But yesterday, i finally went to Walmart and get myself new glasses. Eye exam, frame, glass, the whole costs $280, which is almost my 1 month's income. I shall have new glasses in about a week. Yay!

so, i went to walmart. you know? my shoes are over a decade old, but i had another pair, but it's broken in the back, such that the plastic rubs and bleeds your skin. So, since i'm at walmart, i bought this shoe. Only $12. It's, fantastic! And, i saw flashlights. I have a obsession with lighting devices. You know? today's tech, the best lighting tech is the LED. Efficiency is the aspect i'm most obsessed about. Anyway, so i saw flashlights, Walmart have these $1 each ones, and so bright, with battery included. I bought two!

but about the teeth. What you gonna do? I gather it'll cost a lot, like, a thousand or more to fix it. It's pretty bad, because now i can only eat with the weak left side, and don't know how long that'll last. I imagine i'd be eating liquid food for sustenance. Well, the plan is quickly to grab a high-paying coding job. Facebook and Google and amazon are like, beckoning me everyday, and they pay $100k+ year.

well, it's pretty sad to write these things, and it's not things i want to write out because it makes me look bad. Potential employer sees this, and will back out. Beautiful girls who are my readers , now saw this, disillusion! But, on the other hand, i have a urge to keep a log straight. I don't want to hide stuff, and i don't event want to play the marketing game. Not necessarily even the conventional behavior stuff, because, Xah tells you right now, xah's behavior is ahead of the world, by, maybe 5 or 10 years. It has been vindicated by the internet for the past 15 years or so. Gay movement and regarding porn et al in society.

asides from the money part, y'know, i'm physically more beautiful, more smart, more knowledgeable, more moral, and, more capable than most people? yeah, truth. I don't have anything else to brag about, but this, at this point of my life, flaunting the things you have, what simple pleasure and comfort of life.

well, the above are some bad news. But about last month, i realized that my life is about done (because reaching 50), so i kinda drafted about what i want to do with the rest of my life. Xah Lee Goal 2020. It's kinda a ramble, and am not sure it's realistic or even a plan or fantasy, but oh well that's how it stands now. I might modify it later.

also, lastly, you know i enjoy writing? so, i'll say something about reaching 50.

today's age, with our modern tech and all, we live up to 70 or so. But, not so just 200 years ago. For most period of humanity, living up to 50 is like you are lucky.

recently, i've looked up many stars of 80s and 90s. Majority of them looks terrible today. Extremely ugly. Like, they fucked up their life. Money made it worse. A minority, are doing very well, aged well, and live a respectable life. You don't hear about these stars anymore, but they light up the sky a generation or two before. You know? it's like, when i was younger, sometimes i hear names of stars that i don't know, such as Simon and Garfunkel 舊夢何處尋, Simon and Garfunkel ♪ El Condor Pasa, and it's like, who the hell are they? you really have no idea, and you don't really care. Newer generation couldn't understand older generation's stuff. In the same way, i can understand, how people born after 2000 may have no idea or care about Madonna, Prince, etc.

so, you know, people get old. And, it's not news, just news to me.

and, realistically, when you reached 50, and you are not successful yet as you want to be, you are basically done for. Like, if i am writing a biography, i could just wrap up now and say, Xah Lee didn't do anything in his life. He, didn't even have children, nor wife. Done for.

so, what am i going to do?? I don't know, i can't know. Like most people, or human's behavior, i'll just live on, and whatever i guess. I'll, of course, try to be better.

the river flows, flooding past the mountains and heros, of thousands of years.

precipitous downhill.

what do you do when you get old? like, reaching 50?

you quietly recede into oblivion, and die.

You become mellow, and let things go.

you know sometimes you see a bug that don't move much? you can't tell its age, but you know its old, and about to die. just like that.

except, a few rich and powerful, such as politicians, eg see those clamor for US president? But yeah, for most people, you just fade.

look up all those beautiful stars when you were young. You don't hear them now. They have faded, before you.

It is, a stage of life. You don't know until you are there.

The fear of death, is however, still there.

大江东去，浪淘尽，千古风流人物。
故垒西边，人道是，三国周郎赤壁。
乱石穿空，惊涛拍岸，卷起千堆雪。
江山如画，一时多少豪杰。
遥想公瑾当年，小乔初嫁了，雄姿英发。
羽扇纶巾，谈笑间，樯橹灰飞烟灭。
故国神游，多情应笑我，早生华发。
人生如梦，一尊还酹江月。

Palpatine: The Portrait of a Perfect Sociopath and Master Politician (video updated)